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 The
first step in having a good relationship with a friend is to have a good
relationship with yourself. When we genuinely like ourselves, we become more
attractive to other people. We have more to offer others because we are not
constantly focused on our own image and reputation.
We become better friends because we don’t cling. We are secure enough to
spend time with a friend because we want to, not because we need to.
Choose wisely
Relationships among true friends take a steady dose of time and energy — two
resources in limited supply for all of us. Identify the friends with whom
you wish to create a closer bond. It’s perfectly okay if not all of your
acquaintances make the list. The closeness of your connections is far more
important than the length of your guest lists. |
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Make the time
Friends are important in many ways — so much so that these relationships
often take on a life of their own. You owe it to yourself (and to your
friends) to make these relationships a priority. Carve out some quality time
for one another.
Make the first move
If you want to improve your relationships, put your fear of rejection aside
and start taking more risks. Invite your friends to lunch. Organize a new
playgroup. Invite them over for dinner.
Too often, we fail to follow up with our friends. Don’t miss out — just make
the first phone call. Your friends are just as anxious to get together as
you are.
The Golden Rule
Treat your friends as you wish to be treated. Stated another way: “To have a
friend, be a friend.”
Focus more on being interested than on being interesting. Be enthusiastic
and energetic. Avoid complaining, gossiping and criticizing. |
Sweat the small stuff
Make your friends feel significant by remembering small kindnesses. Notice
her new haircut. Remember to ask about her mother-in-law’s surgery. Send
flowers or a simple email when you know she needs it most.
Listen
Good listeners are hard to find, and honing your skills can be a long-term
project.
A few tips:
Slow down. Try not to finish your friend’s sentences. If you catch yourself
planning your response while your friend is still talking, gently remind
yourself to focus on the speaker.
Show her you are listening. Maintain eye contact. Offer nods and murmurs
that indicate you understand her point of view.
Minimize distractions.
Ask questions.
Be careful with advice. Assume your friend wants to vent her frustrations,
not ask you for a plan of action.
Be loyal
We all need someone in our corner. If your friend isn’t there to defend
herself against gossip or criticism, speak up, and know she would do the
same for you. |
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